I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
