I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
