You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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