He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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