at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
