you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
