I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I deserve this hangover.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
