Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize