Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
