I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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