bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He passed out mid-signature
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
