Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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