Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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