What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Randomize