I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
