He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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