If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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