Please, let me fuck your mom
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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