guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
