Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize