dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
