I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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