just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
