I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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