I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
