note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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