I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize