The maid of honor just puked.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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