fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
