i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
