my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
