Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
