Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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