i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
