i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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