Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I need help removing her.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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