I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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