I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
