good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
