I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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