I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
