I'm so fucking centered right now
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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