So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
