Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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