Nicole vs. Life
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
