I wish I could teleport
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize