I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
