I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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