Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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