I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
