What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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