Jerry, you need to find god
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize