so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
