She is in my trunk
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
