Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize