so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
