apparently the secret to your success is patron
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
