Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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