You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Swine flu. Run for my life!
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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