$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
