If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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