Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
