Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(604): View more from British Columbia

Do you have a shampoo for semen

(604): View more from British Columbia

Or a time machine

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(419): View more from Ohio

watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced

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(845): View more from New York

just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism

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(314): View more from Missouri

Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again

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(740): View more from Ohio

new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.

(419): View more from Ohio

you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried

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(207): View more from Maine

Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.

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(917): View more from New York City

I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts

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(206): View more from Washington

please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors

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