Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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