Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just want nice things and good sex
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
All the doctor said was why
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
