She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
