I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
