Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
