I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
