Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
