I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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