dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
