dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
