she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
