When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
