Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
