At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
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