im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
