Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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