We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
