I accidentally burped into my bong.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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