update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
if i died would you start the facebook group?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
