I hate your face
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
