people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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