dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
