Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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