I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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