i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize