we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
