It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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