so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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