Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
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