dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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