I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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