He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
