How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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