your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
