I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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