So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
