Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
