i jhust puked up my retainher.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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