omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
