so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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