Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
