Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
