they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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