Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
