My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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