Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize