and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
