This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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